Being Emmalynn's Mommy: The Ups and Downs of Parenting: November 2012

The older Emmalynn gets, the more I consider her development, both socially and physically, and how the events that are currently taking place are going to effect her in the long run. So here are a few things that I have feared or that my friend's fear could happen with their children.

1. Are the educational programs she is watching really teaching her anything? Or is she just staring at the colors, hypnotized by the pixels and in fact, learning nothing?

I have often asked myself these questions, especially with all the current research about children watching TV. The media has a strong influence on older children and adolescents and it makes me wonder how much influence it has on my toddler. The other night, we were watching Dora the Explorer (which makes me want to punch myself in the face but Emmalynn seems to like) and when Dora asked if Swiper the Fox was anywhere to be seen. Emmalynn ran up the TV and pointed to where Swiper was and then when Dora asked her to say "Swiper No Swiping!", she said it in UNISON with Dora and Boots and even put her little hand up like both of the characters do. So I just found my answer -- she DOES learn something from educational television. She DOES love it for the colors as well. And does the media effect her? Absolutely. As a parent, we cannot shield our children from all the bad things in the world, and that includes what they see on TV. However, we can do our best to ensure that what they are watching is not damaging to them and is either neutral, or they are learning something. Honestly, I am just happy she is learning new things that are helping her develop -- regardless of where it comes from. And I don't think that makes me a bad Mom, either. She watches TV and learns colors, shapes, directions, how to be kind, etc. I don't feel bad about those things or the fact that she watches TV at all. And if you child does this, I don't think you should either. The shows they watch on Nick Jr, Sprout, or Disney Junior are teaching them things -- what does it matter that it comes from a TV show if they are learning? It doesn't. Don't punish yourself.

2. How is Emmalynn's father and I not being together going to effect Emmalynn's development and her perception of what a family is "supposed" to be like? Even though we are civil and on good terms, are we doing more damage than good?

There is no way for me to know this. I could sit and ruminate about this all day but I am really never going to know the effects of this arrangement. In fact, she will never know anything different. The probability that this will have a negative effect on her and make her resent us is highly unlikely. If she were older and we separated after she would remember, that would be different. But I cannot sit around and wonder how something is going to effect her or if I am screwing her up for the future. Here is my theory: we are all screwed up because of our parents. Most of the time it is not intentional -- I would say that a good majority of parents have their child's best interest at heart. However, we learn more from our parents actions and less from their words. When we have shortcomings or insecurities, it is usually from our parents. So I can worry about it as much as I would like but that is not going to make a difference. All I can do (and all of us can do) is be the best parent possible and hope that our actions do not screw up our children too much. And you know what? It is okay if they are a bit screwed up -- it makes family gatherings interesting, right? :)

3. If my child plays alone and does not interact well with other kids, are they going to grow up to be a bully/school shooter/serial killer?

Okay. I get it. We worry about how our children act now and look towards the future and identify warning signs. That is what we do as parents. However, a serial killer usually has something happen in their childhood that causes them to become a sociopath. It is highly unlikely that a child that comes from a loving, caring and "normal" home will turn out to be a school shooter or a serial killer. I read a study that was done on sociopaths that showed that many serial killers/sociopaths have a special gene and an underdeveloped brain which causes them to act more on impulse instead of having impulse control. It was also shown that people who had this gene and mutation in their brain that came from a loving, caring and accepting home environment did not end up being serial killers. Keep in mind that no matter how great of an influence nature has on a person, the nurture of that life helps to shape who that person will become. Here is the point: we just do the best we can to show our children love, teach them strong morals and lay a good foundation for them to be caring, respectful adults. None of us can tell what the future holds, but we can do everything in our control and power to bring up the best children we can. If you sit around and worry about things you have no control over, you are letting worry and fear live in your head rent free. How about we free up that space and energy for our children NOW? Do our best to live in the present instead of worrying and being fearful of something that has not happened yet? I think so.

Those are the three BIG ones for me. They are tough for all of us. But we cannot sit around worrying about things we do not have control over. We need to be with our children in the here and now -- worry about the present or the immediate future. Worry about the rest when it gets here. Understand the signs of trouble and pay close attention to them. Be the best parent you can be IN THE PRESENT. Be with your child or children IN THE PRESENT. You do the best thing you can for your NOW -- don't worry about things that have not happened yet through irrational fears.

I have spent quite some time away but it was not on purpose -- I just got really busy and in all honesty, my world got turned upside down!

Here are some things I have learned since the last time I blogged...

- Dating is not so bad as I thought it was. In fact, sometimes it works out in your favor. If anything, you meet new people, make new friends, and do something for YOURSELF.

- My child has learned several new words and sayings. Her recent favorite is "Come back here! Come back here now!" And she also has a flair for the dramatic. When the gate is put up at the top of the stairs, Emmalynn will see it and dramatically say, "No, no, no, no, nooooo!" To say I have an independent child is an understatement.

- Jumping on an air-filled pillow when you have a back condition is not a good idea. I have been in pain all around my back since Saturday afternoon. Not cool.

- The fact that Emmalynn has started to go to her Dad's every Thursday and every other weekend now has made me cherish my time with her so much more. I try not to waste a single minute and to play and watch movies and just love on her while I can. It makes me appreciate what a beautiful little girl I have even more than I already did. It is hard, but it is a blessing in disguise.

- Laughter is the best medicine -- when I was having hard times, my best friends made me laugh so hard that my stomach hurt. I appreciate them more than they will ever know.

- Moving sucks. Hardcore sucks. I hate it. Literally. I am not moving again until I get married. You think I am kidding...I am not. But I am SO thankful for all the church friends my parents had come and help us. Because of them we are in our new home and it is starting to feel like an actual HOME.

- I have about 5 friends having babies within the next few months (if not DAYS!). I am so excited to hold beautiful, new little babies...and give them back to their parents :) I am totally at peace with the fact that I don't know when I am going to have more kids or get married. I have nothing but joy for anyone expecting their second child and I just hold hope that in the future, I will get married and have more babies...with the right person and the right way :)

And I will leave you with images from the time I have been away -- I am sure there are a lot of them so I hope you like pictures :)