The Hard Parts

Now that Emmalynn is almost two and a half and independent, I am tested on a daily basis. I tell myself whenever I am tested that this moment is going to make me a better parent. It will teach me more about parenting and about myself. And I feel a bit better.

And then I tell myself again about 20 times throughout the day.

That's right. 20 times.

Did I mention she is almost two and a half?

And then there is just life. Life is hard. Being a parent is hard work. Being a working parent is hard work. And being a single parent...it's the hardest job I will ever do. Ever. And I would never wish being a single parent on anyone. I am lucky to have a co-parent that I work well with and really see as a partner and not just a "baby daddy".

But there are those days...those days that test my relationship with my co-parent. Today is one of those days. I can honestly say that sometimes things are great and sometimes things are terrible. We take it one day at a time and today is one of the hard ones. I have heard from many people that marriage can be the same way - one day at a time. And that makes me feel a bit better.

It can just be so hard to understand what's going on...where his head is at. And maybe I'm not meant to understand. But it is something I struggle with every day.

And then the future is hard. I have started a new job where I am starting to get into the swing of things and understand the culture a bit more. I am taking more time for myself as well. And I even started to date again about 6 months ago. I have been trying to move forward and more and continue to date...but that is hard. And scary. Just as scary as it was when I started dating after two years of not dating. The more I do, the easier it gets, I'm sure. But it is still hard.

All of this combined truly scares me. Achieving my goals and becoming a great woman, mother and hopefully someday wife...it scares me. And it is hard to stay positive. But if the new culture at my work has taught me anything, it is to be positive and know that you have a team...people we can lean on and ask for help. When things are hard, we all have a team - our family, our friends, our rocks. Those people are their to be our sounding board and there for us to lean on. So as times are hard, I lean on my friends and family and know that with their help, I can make it through any hard days.

So while this journey may be hard...it is totally, 100% worth it. Trust in God and trust in yourself...and you will never be alone.

And she's worth it :)