But this whole dating with a child thing just...blows. For lack of a better term, it just blows. And what sucks the most about it is that somehow no matter how old or young a man is (or even a woman), they can't seem to be mature when it comes to dating. I am a very straight up girl; when I am not interested or I become uninterested, you know. I don't do the ignoring thing. Or the excuse thing. Or the "I'm sorry I have to wash my hair in Friday night" thing. I would say that 95% of the time if I am not interested or become uninterested or I'm just not that into a guy, he knows...because I flat out tell him. Point blank. It's better for everyone involved that way. No mind games. No tricks. Just honesty. We all deserve that much.
All I am asking is that the favor is returned. Is that too much to ask? Seriously?
Because here is the deal: I'm awesome. I really am. I'm not trying to be cocky or overconfident but I'm awesome. I don't ask where a man is and what he's doing every 5 minutes. I don't feel the need to "check in" on someone I am dating unless they are sick or depressed. I have clear and concise boundaries. I don't jump into a relationship. I am extremely patient. And do you know why? Because I'm awesome. And the other reason? Because I expect the same in return. I have this odd notion that we should treat people the way we want to be treated. If I want someone to be kind and patient, I should be kind and patient. If I was someone to be considerate and thoughtful, I should be considerate and thoughtful. And I would say I do a good job of it, too.
But now we come to the part of why I hate dating the most: apparently, not everyone sees it the way I do. And I am not sure if it us because they don't feel like they deserve this treatment or I don't deserve is treatment but either way, it blows. It really does. Because I'm better than that. I'm worth way more than that.
Some people would say, "Katie, just go out and have some fun! Date around! Have a few drinks with a couple guys! Have fun!" Well, I did that. In my early to mid-twenties I did that. I had lots of fun dating. And it was very fun. Tons of fun. Fun coming out of my ears. Then I had a child. And this child depends on me and looks to me for how she should act and what the right things are to say and do. She looks to me to be her example. So while I want to meet someone and date and have fun while doing it, I don't want to just go around having fun. I did that. Now I want to meet someone and after a good amount of time dating, be in a committed relationship and eventually get married and have more babies. And I deserve that...because I'm awesome. And any single parent deserves that too - you are all awesome! You deserve to be treated to the standard you would treat someone. You do. Don't settle for anything less. Because you deserve the best. And don't be afraid to demand it, either. And don't be afraid to get hurt. Because when you love with your whole heart, you child sees that. They see that we make mistakes and we choose the wrong path sometimes but that we learn from it. We grow from it. And we want them to learn and grow from their mistakes as well.
So, while I am TOTALLY fighting with dating right now, I will keep at it. My daughter should see that I am not afraid of making mistakes. That I am not afraid of the unknown. That I am not afraid to be vulnerable. And that because of all this, she shouldn't be afraid either.
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