Bath Time

It's hard to believe that less than 6 months ago, my child would scream and cry every time she had to take a bath.

Once she turned about 10 or 11 months, she decided to tolerate it.

Now, she loves her baths...and that, I love. She actually threw a fit when I made her get out! Yay for bath time being fun!!

My 16 Month Old Slept Like A Newborn Last Night

Sound familiar? I've read several things about how babies can change and revert back to waking up several times during the night once they hit one year old...and even researched it when Emmalynn started to do it. But it's a whole other ball game than I thought. I honestly still feel like this is my karmic payback for her sleeping through the night at 7 weeks old.

Last night, she went to bed around 8:30 and then woke up at 12:45, 2:45, 3:30, 5:30 and then for good at 7:15. I'm so tired I can barely see straight. I get the "this is motherhood" thing. But at least when she was a newborn she was consistent. She woke up every few hours and I knew she would. Now I expect her to sleep through the night...so when she does 90% of the time and doesn't the rest...THAT is the hard part.

I know I'm not the only one experiencing this or who has experienced it. So this is a small, tired Mama vent. Feel free to vent as well if you are in the same boat as me!!

Weeee!!

I cannot help but watch this video and DIE laughing now.

She was just fine...by the way. Looked at me like I had 5 heads when I was all worked up!!

My baby needs what?!?!

This morning, my friend Jess' daughter had tubes put in her ears. Lily will be 9 months old tomorrow. After 8 ear infections in 6 months and a resistance to antibiotics, it was the best thing and really the only thing that could give little Lily some relief.

The same thing does not apply to the parents when the ENT says, "Well, it looks like tubes are the best option. It is a simply surgery and takes about 15 minutes from start to finish. How does 2 days from now sound?" And as a parent, your heart starts to beat really fast and your stomach starts to come into your throat and you feel the dreaded panic coming on.

The following questions come into a parent's mind when they realize their child is having surgery: You are going to put my baby under with general anesthesia? Is this really going to help? Are you sure it only takes 15 minutes? What if my baby reacts badly? Is this worth it? Am I an awful parent? Did I do something wrong?

But mostly, this is what is being said loudly in your head over every question you could ever think of:

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And then they tell you it is affecting their hearing. Now you REALLY feel like a jerk. All this time you thought your dear little one was being a little toot and not listening to you and in all reality, they could not hear you.

**Insert Mommy Guilt Here**

I remember it all like it was yesterday. Emmalynn had 6 ear infections in 8 months and I knew it was time to do something about it. At her one year well check, we got a referral from our pediatrician to go to the ENT. So, we went down to Dr. Zlab's office where he looked at her ears and did an auditory exam. He looked at her ears, said he saw that there was quite a bit of fluid and that we could either take Emmalynn to the doctor every two weeks this winter OR he could do tubes. But let's do an auditory exam first. So we do the exam. She failed. Apparently, the fluid in her ears is effecting her hearing. Fantastic. Who is a jerk? This Mom. So, I say, "Okay. Tubes. When?" He scheduled us for the 10th of November.

A couple of days before, a nurse from the surgery center called to ask me a ton of questions about my daughter. Honestly, I never knew I had to answer SOOOO many questions. So, I answer the questions and they schedule Emma's surgery for 7AM.

On that day, we got to the surgery center around 6 AM as they prepped her, weight and height, pulse, bp...all that good stuff. Then we waited in the small little room for the doctor to come in and then for the nurse to come and take her away to her first surgery. I would just think about it and cry. I remember the nurse telling me, "Now when she gets out of the surgery and comes out of the anesthesia, she is going to be your baby's evil twin. But she will sleep for 4 or 5 hours and be a normal baby again." I remember thinking that my baby would be special...she will just want to snuggle with me and have Mommy make it all better. So, the doctor comes in and then the nurse comes in and says, "Okay Mom, let's do this quick before she realizes that she is leaving you." Within 5 seconds of that, she was whisked out of my arms after a quick kiss and she was gone. 11 minutes in the waiting room and the nurse came and got me. They were done and she did wonderfully. I talked to the doctor and I could see her soon. I walked into the room and saw my sweet baby with the nurse.

She was my baby's evil twin. I really had wondered where my sweet girl had gone. It was what they had told me it would be like, but I was COMPLETELY unprepared. COMPLETELY. After her thrashing around for 20 minutes, I was able to take her home. She fell asleep on the way home and then slept for 4 hours (as did I) when she got home.

And you know what? They were right again -- she was a happy, playful, sweet baby again. And guess what? She has had ONE ear infection since she got tubes. ONE. No visits to the doctor, no worries for this or that concerning her ears. We have drops for it and will never have to go to the doctor for an ear infection again.

Was it worth it? Absolutely. Was it harder on me than it was on her? Without a doubt. Am I glad we did it for her? Of course.

Moral of the story -- it is going to be okay if your baby needs to get tubes. Looking back it was not HALF as bad as I thought it would be (except for the evil twin baby part...that was bad). Do not be afraid if your child has to have this done. And if anything, ask me questions about it. I am no expert, but I can help you understand it all from a parent's perspective. Something I wish I had had!! :)

Demands of Life...and Mommyhood

It has been awhile since I have blogged last -- the dreaded "life" has gotten in the way. I am nearing the last 2 weeks of my two online courses and keeping busy at work and getting ready for a trip to see my best friend and her beautiful new baby and keeping the house up and making sure we have groceries...and oh yeah, being a MOM.

No one said it was ever going to be easy, working and being a single Mom. And they were right -- it is not easy. I want to spend every waking minute I am with my daughter and not at work actually being WITH my daughter. I want to play with her and watch her learn and listen to her talk (which she does constantly) even though I have NO idea what she is saying. I want to snuggle with her and not worry about anything else...ever. But that is not reality. At all. As I am playing with my daughter, no matter how hard I try, I cannot seem to not think about school or money or groceries or what needs to be done tomorrow or this weekend or next Tuesday. I mean...I have a paid day off because of President's Day and here I am -- working on school work and blogging (in my defense, Emma is napping). I want so desperately to take Emmalynn to the Science Center or the mall to play...and then I just think of all the assignments and schoolwork I have looming over me and I don't think I can do it.

So...how do I make sure that the time I spend with my daughter is 100% devoted to her?

This is a question I do not have the answer to yet. I hope someday I will have the answer to it. But for now, I will just keep spending as much time with Emmalynn as possible and try to keep the school work and money worries and grocery shopping and worries about this and that to a minimum. But I think the most important thing to remind myself is that I am not perfect...nor will I ever be. All I can do is say that I tried my best and that is the best I can do. And Emmalynn will know that when she is older...she will see that I did the best that I could.

**Insert Mommy Guilt Here**

Like I said, all I can do is my best. And all you can do is your best. I know that being a Mom even when you have a husband or boyfriend or significant other can be hard. I totally get that. I am not at all crying "single Mommmy" here. I get that it is hard for everyone. For all of us. But I have a feeling that it does not get easier...it just gets harder from here on out. And what about when we all have more kids? It is going to get even worse then.

The point is that life is hard in and of itself but being a Mom is even harder. And add life in with being a Mom, being a parent, and all we can do is our best. And remind each other that when we are down on ourselves...we are all doing our best and that we love our children. 

Mommy Time

My sister started to have babies when I was 17. They are now 8, 7 and 5 years old (yes...multiplied like bunnies, people...bunnies...). Not to mention that after college, my friends started to get married and have babies as well.

Now, I think we all know that Emmalynn's Dad and I are not together. When I got pregnant, we were dating and then we realized that we were not sure what we wanted from each other, but knew we were good friends and wanted to keep it that way. And we have. Do we argue? Absolutely. But we are good friends and put our daughter first. I would not have it any other way.

But being a single Mom has been tough. I am so lucky to have a support system like my family and like Emmalynn's Dad but there are still things that I do mostly by myself. For the most part, I take care of Emmalynn by myself. Her Dad is there whenever I need him and whenever I ask...but I do not ask too much.

And this brings me to my point for this blog -- why is it that as mothers, we do not take time for ourselves? Until I became a mother, I was the one preaching to my sister, her friends, and anyone else who was a Mom that in order to be a great, effective mother you have to take time for yourself. And that means more than grocery shopping by yourself. It means getting a pedicure, manicure, massage, shopping or even just driving around alone in your car and taking time for yourself. In order for your kids to see that you effectively raise them and love them, they need to see that you love yourself.

Then I had a baby.

I still COMPLETELY agree with what I said before. But let's be honest...I have spent ONE night away from Emmalynn. One. And that was because I absolutely HAD to go to Omaha for a new job. And I cried half way to Omaha. Coming up in March, I will be spending 4 days in Colorado with my best friend and her new, beautiful little baby (who will be here ANY day!!) and to even think about it brings on a small panic attack.

But it is really hard to take time for myself...other than grocery shopping. I struggle to find time for just me and my friends...and let's be honest...my friends with kids struggle to do the same. But that does not mean it does not need to be done. We need to get together with our girlfriends and go have pedicures or go shopping...try on dresses that you can never afford...have a few cocktails and sing some karoke! But how do we do this without feeling the "Mommy Guilt"?

Simple answer -- we don't. We are going to feel the Mommy Guilt no matter what. But that should not stop us from doing it. We need time for ourselves...time to grow...time to just be friends with our friends and not be a Mom or a girl friend or a wife or partner.

So I challenge all of you Mamas to get in touch with your friends, send your Facebook messages and mass texts, and do SOMETHING with JUST your girlfriends this month. And savor and love every minute of it. And then do it again next month...and the next month...and so on. Trust me, it is worth it! And you are a better Mom for doing it! :)

The Baby Weight

I have been dealing with this for the last year or so and so I have to write about it.

The baby weight.

Generally, a healthy woman at a healthy weight should gain 25-30 lbs. An overweight woman should gain 15-20. An obese woman should gain 10-15, if any at all.

First off, if you are one of those women who go right back to what they looked like before they were pregnant...with really no issues...we are fighting.

The rest of this is for every other woman who has had a hard time losing the baby weight. Lord knows that NOTHING is the same after you have a baby. Nothing. Your old normal is now completely foreign and you now have a new normal to deal with.

I am going to put this out there and I am not ashamed of it. When I got pregnant, I was around 202 lbs. In my first trimester, I was so sick that I lost 18 lbs, bringing be down to 184 lbs at about 15 weeks pregnant. By the end of my pregnancy, I weight 231 lbs. After leaving the hospital after having Emmalynn, I was down to 212 lbs.

And then comes the roller coaster. I started Weight Watchers the beginning of 2011 and in the first week, lost 12 lbs -- the secret, only drinking diet soda when I did drink soda. And then I was stuck between 200-205 lbs for the next 8-10 months. Sometimes I would dip below 200, around 198 or so. But then it was right back up to 200. I may have weighed the same I did when I got pregnant, but as previously mentioned, my new normal was more weight in the butt, hips, arms and that dreaded BABY BELLY where the SKIN never seems to shrink back to normal size.

I started to see a weight loss doctor after finding out I would eventually need to have surgery on my back because of a condition I was born with (missing bone between my L5 and S1...aka painful). So, I started to track my calories, per the dietician's advice, through MyFitnessPal. They have an online website and they also have an app that I have on my phone. Since starting this on November 1st, I am down to 185.2 lbs. I gained 2 lbs during the holiday season. I wish I could say I am upset by that, but I am honestly not. It was the holidays and I gained weight and then took it off again. No big deal.

This has been a struggle. Don't get me wrong, having Emmalynn was well worth the struggle. But I cannot ever wear the things I wore before...they do not fit the same. And I want to lose quite a bit more weight, so I cannot buy pants each time I go down a size (unless they are cheap...which some have been). Basically, I have resorted to just looking like a gangster with baggy pants.

The point of all of this is....it is okay to struggle with your weight after you have your baby. It is okay to have ups and downs and find your new normal and what works for you NOW (because what worked for you before is PROBABLY not going to work for you now). Above all, the support system that we are able to have with our friends who are ALSO trying to lose their baby weight, THAT is priceless. Completely priceless. So Mamas, let's support each other! We are all in this together and we CAN do it!!

Beating Yourself Up: Mommy Edition

As mothers, we tend to continually beat ourselves up over things we cannot control that affect our babies. I have many friends (including myself) that do this all the time and we all need a friend to talk us down. So this is me talking all our paranoid Mamas down out there.

A good friend's 8 month old daughter was recently diagnosed with MSPI - Milk Soy Protein Intolerance. As we are talking about it, the potential OUTRAGEOUS cost of formula and having to check every label of food she gives her daughter, I saw that look in her eyes; it was the "I am such a terrible Mom" look. I immediately called her on it. She said that I was right; she was beating herself up. It just takes her back to when she was breastfeeding and how that was a hard enough experience for her, along with finding out that her daughter has acid reflux. And then to think back and think, "Was I hurting her then, too?"

This is a classic Mommy reaction: we always blame ourselves for things we may not be able to control. When they don't feel well and it could have been a bad box of corn dogs that made them sick...or it could have been that their milk was sitting out too long...or maybe I didn't warm it up and I should have...or maybe I warmed it up and I shouldn't have. The list goes on and on. But here is the important thing to remember: you did NOTHING wrong. You did everything within your control to help your baby and ensure they are happy and healthy. You took your baby to the doctor. You gave them the right formula, the right baby food, the right kind of lotion on her skin, the right kind of diaper rash cream and you read everything you were supposed to read and even more than you probably should have. You did everything you could with the knowledge you had. Just because something is wrong with your baby or they have been uncomfortable does not mean you are a bad Mom. You are a GREAT Mom. You are doing a GREAT job. What happens to them or what condition they may or may not have has NOTHING to do with you. Our babies are going to grow up and become toddlers...and then become children...then teenagers, etc. They are going to get hurt, both physically and emotionally, and things are going to happen to them that are completely out of our control. That is life. And we will hurt with them every step of the way. But that does not mean we can protect them from it...least of all would it ever be OUR FAULT.

Remember, you are the Mom. You know when something is wrong. And you fight until you get answers. But don't be so hard on yourself -- your baby needs you to be 100% so you can take care of them, whatever may come. So take some time for yourself...make sure you are 100% (and try not to feel guilty about it...although I know you will)...and then give your child everything you have and don't blame yourself for things that are out of your control.

Remember -- you are a GREAT Mom.