The Importance of a Child's Father

For some, it is your husband. For others, your fiance or boyfriend. For some, it is your ex-boyfriend/husband or maybe for some, it is just your one night stand. Either way, a child's father plays an important role in their life. Not some people are as blessed as I am to have a GREAT baby daddy (he HATES it when I call him that...lol). As I have said before, he and I get along great and I would not trade him for the world...but let me take this moment to REALLY stop and say "thank you" to him...

I cannot BEGIN to thank Richard enough. Although it was just Emma and I during those first rough days and nights this week of Emmalynn's sickness (she has/had hand, foot and mouth disease...COMPLETELY awful)...he was here all weekend and helped me with her. Instead of getting frustrated when she cried and cried, he went into her room each time and rubbed her back until she fell back asleep. Instead of complaining about having to chase Emma around Pella and the dinosaur exhibit, he walked behind her and let her discover, while ensuring she was safe and not "running away." And he allowed me to just sit back and enjoy watching my daughter having fun with her father. THIS means the WORLD to  me.

Do not take this for granted, people! Don't take your child's father for granted...especially if they are a good one!! I know that sometimes parents do not always get along...and that makes it REALLY hard. There are some men out there that are good fathers but NOT so good people. And there are some mothers our there who are GREAT mothers but not so good people. I have known both.

But here is the most important piece of information I could ever tell anyone about raising a child: YOUR CHILD COMES FIRST.

I know it is hard to put aside your feelings -- how this person has hurt you or how they abandoned you (or even your child at some point). Those feelings are COMPLETELY normal. It is okay to be mad. It is okay to be sad. It is okay to be hurt. What is NOT okay is making your child suffer by not letting them see their father (or mother). Nothing is more selfish. Nothing. Using your child as collateral is not fair to the child...and not fair the parent. I think people seem to forget that by letting their feelings or resentment get in they way, they are punishing their CHILD so much more than they are punishing the child's other parent.

Honestly, the best thing Richard and I ever did was take a class (required by the courts in custody matters) called Children in the Middle. This class just solidified what I felt was correct all along. It is NOT about the pain and anger between you and the other parent. This is NOT about what they other person did or what they did not do. This is NOT about the lack of time they spent with you or what you think is the lack of time they spent with your family. This is about YOUR CHILD.

YOUR CHILD. YOUR BABY. THE LITTLEST LOVE OF YOUR LIFE!

NOT about you. Ever. Never. Never about you.

The sooner people accept that, the better. I am not saying only women do this -- men do this too. But it is important to understand that the male figure in your child's life is positive. And that means no bad talking your child's other parent...even when you are married!! There are boundaries -- start setting them by NEVER bad mouthing your significant other or former significant other in front of your children. It is not their problem you are mad at each other or did not work out.

As you can tell, this is a BIG deal for me. It was a big deal before Emma was born and even before I got pregnant. PUT YOUR CHILD FIRST. When you do...you will notice that not only your relationship with your child will be better, but your relationship with your child's other parent will be better, too.


If anything...just remember to put your child first. They deserve it...don't ya think??