The "Set-Up"

For those of you that don't know, I am a single Mom. While Emmalynn's father and I are good friends and get along great, we made the choice early in my pregnancy that being together would most likely not be best for our child. We were right. We did not want to push each other into anything we were both not ready for and resent each other for it later. And I am not going to lie, it was hard - especially during my pregnancy. There were times when I felt alone and abandoned. All the hormones running through me were heightening my emotions and my feelings. The entire time I KNEW that this was what was best for my child, but I also needed to work through my own emotions of being a single parent. I think more than anything it was about accepting the fact that what I had always seen for myself, what my parents had always envisioned for me, was not going to happen. I was not going to meet someone and date them for a year or two and fall madly in love and then get married and have kids. I am not saying that I may not have that someday, but I was doing it "backwards." I met someone and dated them for a few months and here I was, single and about to have a baby. It was a lot to accept and go through and my family, friends and especially Richard were so patient with me while I did. I just had to keep telling myself that my child needed to come first -- my emotions needed to be secondary to the well-being and happiness of my baby.

I also want to go on the record to say that Richard is anything but a jerk. He treated me better than any other man I had ever dated (or even have dated to this point). I have never had someone be so considerate of me -- opening doors, pulling out chairs, even helping me put  my coat on. Not to mention the fact that he bought me a dozen long stem roses for Valentine's Day when he barely had enough money to pay his own bills. He was always there for me and concerned about me. He had problems of his own, though...and it was something we could not pretend was not there. So we did what was best for all of us (in the long run) and made an adult decision.

I remember the day I went to tell him I was pregnant -- I was beyond terrified. I remember going to his apartment and just crying and crying and it was like he already knew what I was going to say. And I had prepared myself for him to say everything you can imagine -- the good and the bad. And he just said, "Katie...we are adults. If you want to keep this baby, I want to keep this baby. I will be there for you and our child however you need me." That is when I knew that no matter what happened between he and I, it was going to be okay. I was not going to be alone is raising this child. And I was right -- I am not alone. I  have a great co-parenting relationship with Richard and that is better than most people have in their marriage. I couldn't be more thankful to have him in my life as Emmalynn's father and my friend.

But now that Emmalynn is almost 18 months old, the "setting up" has started to being. I have not dated anyone since Richard and I dated and that was about 2 years ago. And let me go on the record saying that I am TOTALLY fine with that. I appreciate the thought and I know that everyone is just trying to help and wants me to happy.

But here is the HONEST truth -- I AM happy :) I love my baby and I love all the time I get to spend with her. I love that on weekends, Richard, Emmalynn and I do family things like going to the zoo or having dinner or even just walks. I love that. I love that we are our own special kind of family. And of course I want to date and find someone and get married someday -- I still want that white wedding and prince charming :)

But I am okay right now :) I really am. Now, if I met someone and he asked me out and I was interested would I go? Absolutely. I have nothing holding me back from that. But am I actively going to seek a relationship? No. I don't feel like that is best for me OR my child. But I do have a few suggestions for other single Moms out there that are struggling with the idea of dating and having a child.

1. Be a Mom first -- always put the needs of your child over the needs of your dating life.

2. Remember, it is okay to think about yourself and to WANT to date.

3. Once you start to see someone, make sure things are serious and you know him and trust him 100% before you even CONSIDER him  meeting your child. I mean background check, credit check, sex offender registry check, the works.

4. After you know that this guy is a good guy and after a good amount of time of dating (at least 4-5 months, in my opinion), introduce your child to the guy. At the mall. Or at a park. For an hour. Not at your apartment/house/parent's house/anywhere the child feels is their home or territory. And keep it small for the first month or so -- an hour or two here or there. And then ease into it. There is no rush and if this guy is the one, he will respect that and maybe even love you more because you do it.

My point is, when I meet someone and they are the ONE for me, I want him to say, "I fell in love with you when I watched you be a Mom." I want him to love me for me as a person, but I want him to be IN love with me because of the mother I am to my child. And when I find the right man, I know that is what he will say.

Until then, all I need is me and my baby boo :)