Resentment

It is so easy to become resentful of the other parent of your child. Even if you and your child's other parent are married (and happily), it is very easy to resent that person. I may not be married to Emmalynn's father, but he and I have a good relationship, as I have previously written about. But days like today, I resent him.

It is not for what you think; I do not resent him for not being with me or the three of us not being a family. I don't resent him for spending money on himself and not giving me money for Emmalynn (which he has never done, by the way -- always good with child support and anything else Em or I may need in between). Tonight, I resent him because he is not feeling well.

Don't get me wrong, I feel bad for him. I really do. No one likes to feel sick and all us women know that men are COMPLETE babies when they are sick. But let's get down to the nitty gritty -- I resent him for being sick because as a mother, I don't take "sick days." I can't say, "Hey...I have a headache. Can you go pick her up so I can rest?" As the custodial parent, I have chosen to have Emmalynn with me more than 50% of the time and taking full care of her. Richard sees her every Thursday and every other weekend, if not every weekend. But I can count on one hand the number of times I have called him (or any other family member up) and said, "I don't feel well, can you take care of Emmalynn?"

I resent how EASY it is for him to just say, "I'm not coming over -- my head hurts and I need to rest." I would feel loads of guilt if I did that -- not just because I am not with Emmalynn after being gone all day, but also because I would feel bad basically giving someone else (mainly Richard) no choice but to care for her...regardless of what his plans are. And trust me when I say that he has a lot more plans than I do. He is a military man -- very on schedule and does not waiver from that schedule. If he does, he is completely thrown off.

And just as quickly as I say I resent him for the convenience of being sick, I feel bad for even resenting him. How fair is that? He is sick and I am mad? And do I really have a RIGHT to be mad? It isn't time with ME that he is forfeiting -- it is time with his daughter. And although it may affect her in the long run, she won't remember how many days a week she saw her father when she was 18 months old. She knows who he is, knows that he loves her and she LOVES spending time with him.

And this just goes to show how EASY it is to resent our child's other parent -- whether it be our boyfriend, fiance, spouse or even "baby daddy," it is easy to do. Even when they aren't really do anything wrong! And then when they are doing something wrong...we question if they are really DOING something wrong. Does the complication ever end?

Probably not.

Something I have tried to do is take deep breaths and evaluate if it is REALLY a big deal. 99% of the time, the answer is no -- it is really NOT a big deal. But that is hard for me to do -- that is hard for ANYONE to do. For all of you parents out there who have this mastered, let me know your secret.

I guess the thing to remember is that our child has us as a loving parent and if we are lucky, at least one other parent who loves them as well. And as long as we are putting their interests above our own, that is all that matters -- all resentment aside.