Baby #2...?

This is going to be a very honest blog and very open for me...but I think it is something that not only I have thought about or dealt with.

I have at least a handful of friends who are currently expecting baby #2. I want to start out by saying this is WONDERFUL!!! I am so happy for them! My daughter is such a blessing and I know that they agree that their child and the one on the way is the best blessings in their lives. My friend Nicole told me she was expecting baby #2 at her son's 2nd birthday party (along with the rest of the party guests) and I started crying! I am so happy for her and her family...and all my other friends that are expecting baby #2!

With that being said...it is time to get honest about why I am even posting this blog. I remember thinking right after I had Emmalynn, "I want to do this again...now. I want to have another baby...and I could do it now." Of course, I could not FINANCIALLY do it now. That would be completely irresponsible. Nor do I have the space for another baby...and I didn't then either. Oh...and I should mention the ELEPHANT in the room -- I am not even DATING anyone...lol. Although Emmalynn's father is a great man and a great father, he and I are not together and us being together, let alone having another baby, it 100% unlikely.

But I would be lying if I said I did not envy my good, wonderful friends that are currently expecting or have already had their 2nd child. What I had always pictured was having my children closer together than my sister and I were. Although my sister and I grew up together, she was always more of a motherly figure than a sister. She took care of me (as she still does, most of the time) and made sure I was being good and all that stuff. As I grew older, we had our moments when she said I swore because I was bugging her and I got my mouth washed out with soap...or she made me open the Christmas presents she was getting and re-wrap them BEFORE Christmas...lol...but we did not have that playful bond that siblings close in age have. I wanted that for my children.

But that was not what happened. I met a man and was happily dating him, being treated better than I had ever been treated in a relationship, and we conceived a baby. And she is perfect and beautiful and I would NEVER change a thing.



But I ache to have a 2nd child. Ache. Desperately. I want to feel that baby in my belly again. I want to feel the joy of meeting that child for the first time and watching them grow and discover and experience life, just like I am watching Emmalynn do now. I want to be there for the good and the bad...and for Emmalynn to have a sibling close in age so that she has a playmate and a friend for life.

I understand that this is not in the cards. And I do not want to do it the same way I did it with Emmalynn -- I want to have a significant other that I know will be around and be with me for the rest of our lives. I want that person to want to have a child with me because of the love we have for each other. Unfortunately, that does not make me any less jealous of my friends that have that and are able to do that with their families.

I guess this is just something that comes with the "single mom" territory. One of the hardest parts -- even harder than doing this without a constant partner or the financial difficulties. I think the hardest thing for a single mom to face is that she may not ever have any more children because she may not find someone to spend the rest of her life with.

This makes me even more grateful for my beautiful Emmalynn Joy. I hope that I am able to cherish every moment of every day with her for the rest of her life...because she may be the only one I am able to do this with.

Everyone with one child or more should always count their blessings and thank God a million times a day for the beautiful children they have.




(All of these photos were taken by my good friend, Jamee. She has her own photography business, Thru the Lens Photography. If you like her photos, check her out on Facebook or ask me more!)