It has been awhile since I have blogged last -- the dreaded "life" has gotten in the way. I am nearing the last 2 weeks of my two online courses and keeping busy at work and getting ready for a trip to see my best friend and her beautiful new baby and keeping the house up and making sure we have groceries...and oh yeah, being a MOM.
No one said it was ever going to be easy, working and being a single Mom. And they were right -- it is not easy. I want to spend every waking minute I am with my daughter and not at work actually being WITH my daughter. I want to play with her and watch her learn and listen to her talk (which she does constantly) even though I have NO idea what she is saying. I want to snuggle with her and not worry about anything else...ever. But that is not reality. At all. As I am playing with my daughter, no matter how hard I try, I cannot seem to not think about school or money or groceries or what needs to be done tomorrow or this weekend or next Tuesday. I mean...I have a paid day off because of President's Day and here I am -- working on school work and blogging (in my defense, Emma is napping). I want so desperately to take Emmalynn to the Science Center or the mall to play...and then I just think of all the assignments and schoolwork I have looming over me and I don't think I can do it.
So...how do I make sure that the time I spend with my daughter is 100% devoted to her?
This is a question I do not have the answer to yet. I hope someday I will have the answer to it. But for now, I will just keep spending as much time with Emmalynn as possible and try to keep the school work and money worries and grocery shopping and worries about this and that to a minimum. But I think the most important thing to remind myself is that I am not perfect...nor will I ever be. All I can do is say that I tried my best and that is the best I can do. And Emmalynn will know that when she is older...she will see that I did the best that I could.
**Insert Mommy Guilt Here**
Like I said, all I can do is my best. And all you can do is your best. I know that being a Mom even when you have a husband or boyfriend or significant other can be hard. I totally get that. I am not at all crying "single Mommmy" here. I get that it is hard for everyone. For all of us. But I have a feeling that it does not get easier...it just gets harder from here on out. And what about when we all have more kids? It is going to get even worse then.
The point is that life is hard in and of itself but being a Mom is even harder. And add life in with being a Mom, being a parent, and all we can do is our best. And remind each other that when we are down on ourselves...we are all doing our best and that we love our children.
No comments:
Post a Comment