Beating Yourself Up: Mommy Edition

As mothers, we tend to continually beat ourselves up over things we cannot control that affect our babies. I have many friends (including myself) that do this all the time and we all need a friend to talk us down. So this is me talking all our paranoid Mamas down out there.

A good friend's 8 month old daughter was recently diagnosed with MSPI - Milk Soy Protein Intolerance. As we are talking about it, the potential OUTRAGEOUS cost of formula and having to check every label of food she gives her daughter, I saw that look in her eyes; it was the "I am such a terrible Mom" look. I immediately called her on it. She said that I was right; she was beating herself up. It just takes her back to when she was breastfeeding and how that was a hard enough experience for her, along with finding out that her daughter has acid reflux. And then to think back and think, "Was I hurting her then, too?"

This is a classic Mommy reaction: we always blame ourselves for things we may not be able to control. When they don't feel well and it could have been a bad box of corn dogs that made them sick...or it could have been that their milk was sitting out too long...or maybe I didn't warm it up and I should have...or maybe I warmed it up and I shouldn't have. The list goes on and on. But here is the important thing to remember: you did NOTHING wrong. You did everything within your control to help your baby and ensure they are happy and healthy. You took your baby to the doctor. You gave them the right formula, the right baby food, the right kind of lotion on her skin, the right kind of diaper rash cream and you read everything you were supposed to read and even more than you probably should have. You did everything you could with the knowledge you had. Just because something is wrong with your baby or they have been uncomfortable does not mean you are a bad Mom. You are a GREAT Mom. You are doing a GREAT job. What happens to them or what condition they may or may not have has NOTHING to do with you. Our babies are going to grow up and become toddlers...and then become children...then teenagers, etc. They are going to get hurt, both physically and emotionally, and things are going to happen to them that are completely out of our control. That is life. And we will hurt with them every step of the way. But that does not mean we can protect them from it...least of all would it ever be OUR FAULT.

Remember, you are the Mom. You know when something is wrong. And you fight until you get answers. But don't be so hard on yourself -- your baby needs you to be 100% so you can take care of them, whatever may come. So take some time for yourself...make sure you are 100% (and try not to feel guilty about it...although I know you will)...and then give your child everything you have and don't blame yourself for things that are out of your control.

Remember -- you are a GREAT Mom.