Those First Nights Away...

I started a new job at a bank in June of last year and along with that, I had to go to Omaha for one day of training. I had the option of driving the morning of or driving there the night before, staying in a hotel (FOR FREE) and then going to the orientation. Being that I am REALLY not a morning person, I decided to go the night before. But there was a catch...

It was my first night without my baby girl :(

I remember packing and holding back my tears. And then when it came time to say goodbye, I was SOBBING. I mean, it was just one night! How crazy am I!?! And I went to the car and Richard put Emmalynn in the pack n play and followed me out. This put a damper on my plan to sit in my car, in the parking spot, and cry my eyes out for the next 20-30 minutes. So, I pulled out of the parking spot, drove down the drive, parked in a spot he could  not see, and sobbed for the next 15 minutes.

Then I thought I could go and be okay.

I proceeded to cry until I was about half way to Omaha.

Richard really was great -- he sent me pictures of her before she went to bed, when she got up in the morning, when he dropped her off at my sister's and everything in between.

It was at that moment I knew that if Richard was EVER going to take Emmalynn for a night and on the weekends, I would have to learn to cope with not being with my baby.

That has not gone so well.

For the second time, I am leaving Emmalynn for the night tomorrow night. And for the next 3 nights. My best friend had a beautiful baby girl about a month ago, Stella Lyna. I am going out to Colorado Springs starting tomorrow and coming back Monday afternoon. And just thinking about the time away from my baby hurts my insides. Of course, I have thought over and over again that I could just take her with me -- she is under 2 years old and could sit on my lap, no ticket needed. But then I remember WHY I am going to see my best friend and her beautiful baby: to help my friend in any way she needs it and to snuggle with my new "niece." If Emmalynn was there, I would not be able to give either of them my full attention. It just wouldn't happen. So I know that her going with me is not a good choice.

But I am going to miss her. So. Much.

I wish this goes away...but I have a feeling it does not. I am always going to miss my baby. And that is okay -- I think that makes me a good Mom. I think it makes me a BETTER Mom to be able to let go and say that I need this time without her and she needs this time with her father.

But I am sure I will sob for at least an hour when they drop me off at the airport.

But that's okay. It really is okay.

:)